I've been obsessive about photography for a large percentage of my life. With two interruptions, one in my teens that lasted for about four years and a much longer stretch from about 1989 to 2004, I have been a "serious" photographer since the age of 10. When I started college my parents helped me build a darkroom in the family laundry, my father gave me carte-blanches use of his newly acquired SLR and I went to town.
The main thing is that it turns out no matter how much I did (and do) this for love, it becomes hard without acknowledgment. I'm clearly not one of those people with enough self-confidence to carry on in total obscurity. And worse, it turns out I crave attention This is where Flickr became my undoing, because much to my astonishment, the ancient prints that I scanned and uploaded in late 2004 got seen and commented upon favorably by many more people than had ever seen them before. It was addictive. I wanted to read that good stuff all the time. I uploaded more pictures and began taking them again and soon, it became almost the only thing I really cared about. The absurdity of a middle aged guy with a professional career checking his Flickr site repeatedly each day to see if anyone has "faved" a shot or commented on it is a source of constant embarrassment. How can I be so freaking immature? Why is this so important to me?
Since moving to another city and trying to get established in a new work situation, it's only gotten worse. I don't have time to shoot and barely time to scan or upload pictures. I haven't uploaded a picture in a month and nothing this year has been very good, yet still, every day I check the site at least 20 times to see if someone has left a comment or put a little star on one of my shots. Pathetic. I really need to get a life.
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